Change your closet, not your body

3 gentle prompts for committing to a wardrobe that honors your body

1. Get rid of things that don’t fit.

It is so empowering to go to your closet and know that whatever clothes you grab will fit you body as it is now. I spent most of my 20s holding onto pieces that no longer fit — or never really fit at all — in the hopes that someday I would be small enough to wear them. I felt frustrated and ashamed every time I opened my closet, because it made me believe I was failing to achieve a body deserving of those clothes.

But the thing is, the problem is never your body — it is always the clothes. Maybe you aren’t ready to get rid of the dress you were wearing when you met your partner, or the blouse you inherited from your grandmother, but do those pieces need to be occupying prime real estate in your closet? Do you need to look at them every day and be reminded that you can’t wear them?

I almost never get rid of clothes immediately — they generally go from my closet, to a bottom dresser drawer, to a bag in storage under my apartment, and then finally to a friend/secondhand shop/closet sale. Personally, I always need time to let go! But I have made a practice of routinely going through my closet to weed out anything I’ve grown out of, and it always gives me such a sense of peace and spaciousness when I eventually get there.

2. Prioritize your comfort.

I distinguish between physical comfort — “Does having this on my body feel good?” — and emotional comfort — “Does wearing this change how I perceive myself or others perceive me?" An example of physical comfort might be wearing a sleeveless tank on a sunny summer day; an example of emotional comfort might be wearing a tunic over the tank to feel less exposed.

I don’t think one type of comfort matters more than the other, but I think it’s worth noticing when and why you prioritize one over the other. When is it worth it to feel physically uncomfortable in your clothes? Is your emotional comfort rooted in respect for your body or fear of how others perceive you? What rules are you following when you choose to wear things that make you uncomfortable, and what would happen if you broke those rules?

3. Create your own challenges

I always find limitation to be a reliable catalyst for my own creativity, so whenever I’m in a wardrobe rut, I challenge myself with limitations — finding new ways to style a single piece, committing to only wearing the same 10 pieces for a month, adding a new piece only if I can find ways to style it with at least 3 things I already have, etc.

Just as there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all piece of clothing, so too are there no one-size-fits-all rules for building a wardrobe that honors your body. What are your values and goals, and how can you bring your wardrobe into better alignment with them? Do you want to be able to reach into your closet and pull out a uniform and rarely think about it? Or do you want to find ways to express a wider range of styles in your day-to-day life? Maybe you want to commit to building more sustainable clothing practices?

As a fat person, January is such a fraught month for me, with the onslaught of weightloss marketing and the pressure to commit to socially prescribed self-improvement. But we can always choose more open-ended resolutions for ourselves, gentle goals that spark joy and spaciousness in our lives and the things we put on our bodies.